Me: Central Dispatch
Caller: Yes, I want to leave a message for an officer.
Me: Ok, what is the message?
Caller: Have Officer Smith call me as soon as possible. I left a message 10 days ago but apparently he hasn't felt the need to call me.
Me: Ok, I will give him the message.
Caller: It IS policy to call people back, correct?
Me: Ok, I will give him the message.
Caller: Look, either he calls me back forthwith (yes he used forthwith) or I will be calling my good buddy the Sheriff. He and I went to the same college, you know. We are fellow alumni. I don't want to have to resort to that, but I will.
Me: Ok, I will give him the message.
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Sunday, August 9, 2009
That's mighty neighborly of you
We got a call from a man who returned home to find his lawn freshly mowed. The good samaritan also left a present for the homeowner. It was a pile of crap that the lawn guy provided personally. Now how did the caller know that it was the same person who provided both services? A kindly neighbor took pictures of the culprit in the act of defecating on the driveway. That is evidence that will be hard to refute!
Boys and their Toys
So it is a bad week for men. Two days ago a guy accidentally cut his penis off with a circular saw. Now a man just shot himself in the ass while trying to holster his gun. Here is my PSA: There are safety features on dangerous items like saws and guns for a reason. Use them people!
Friday, July 31, 2009
Sunday, July 26, 2009
I thought so but I thought I would check....
Me: Central Dispatch
Caller: Yeah, I have a car with expired tags. I was wondering if I could drive it to the shop to get work done on it.
Me: No, it is illegal to drive a car with expired plates, no matter what the reason is.
Caller: I thought so but I though I would just check.
Caller: Yeah, I have a car with expired tags. I was wondering if I could drive it to the shop to get work done on it.
Me: No, it is illegal to drive a car with expired plates, no matter what the reason is.
Caller: I thought so but I though I would just check.
Monday, July 20, 2009
A Real Tool
Me: Central Dispatch
Caller: Yes I want to report a theft. I was at a dealership last week having my Audi serviced and I think they stole something from my car.
Me: Tell me what is missing.
Caller: Well, I just noticed that part of my front bumper is missing. I also saw last week that they were fixing another car just like mine and I think they stole my part to put on the other car!
Me: If you just noticed the piece missing how do you know it was the dealership who took it?
Caller: Oh, I know because it requires a special tool to remove that bumper. It's called a Phillips screwdriver. Not just anyone could remove it!
Me: OK, ma'am. I will send an officer over for the report.
Caller: Yes I want to report a theft. I was at a dealership last week having my Audi serviced and I think they stole something from my car.
Me: Tell me what is missing.
Caller: Well, I just noticed that part of my front bumper is missing. I also saw last week that they were fixing another car just like mine and I think they stole my part to put on the other car!
Me: If you just noticed the piece missing how do you know it was the dealership who took it?
Caller: Oh, I know because it requires a special tool to remove that bumper. It's called a Phillips screwdriver. Not just anyone could remove it!
Me: OK, ma'am. I will send an officer over for the report.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Clever Payback
Me: 911 what is your emergency?
Caller: I want to report something.
Me: Ok, what's going on?
Caller: Well, someone put a large blow-up Nutcracker in my yard.
Me: Ok.
Caller: See, I just went through a pretty messy divorce and I think my ex-husband put it there.
Me: Ok, I will send an officer out.
Caller: I want to report something.
Me: Ok, what's going on?
Caller: Well, someone put a large blow-up Nutcracker in my yard.
Me: Ok.
Caller: See, I just went through a pretty messy divorce and I think my ex-husband put it there.
Me: Ok, I will send an officer out.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
